X-HALE
A Lesson Well Learnt
Noeleen Maholwana-Sangqu

In addition to the many basic rules taught to us as children, there is a whole list of other subtleties that have been instilled in us in order to practise socially acceptable behaviour. Certain activities, such as staring, we have been told, are frowned upon and considered improper and impolite. However, very few of us realise that actions such as staring often have a more deep-seated outcome and effect than simply being socially unacceptable and contrary to common etiquette.

Do you remember as a child your parents telling you that it is rude to stare? Were we not all reprimanded every time we happened to do this? Unfortunately, like so many other things that we have been taught, we seem to have forgotten this priceless lesson. As children, our stares may have been excused for simply not knowing better, but as adults our stares really do have an impact.

I have a daughter with Cerebral Palsy. She cannot walk and her speech is not perfect. My other daughter wears a hearing aid. I do not expect anyone else to treat them as I would, but I do expect – in fact, I insist – that society rethink the way that it regards and treats them as well as others who cannot see, walk, speak, hear, and so on.

At some time or another, we have all experienced at least one moment in our lives when we have been intently and even intrusively looked at. We have all felt the discomfort and insecurity that such invasive observation causes. Pause for a moment, and consider how you felt at that time, and how that negative attention affected you. Then imagine how such a situation must feel to someone who is all too painfully aware of their disability and then still has to contend with the pity or disgust of others’ stares. If you are not disabled or a parent with a disabled child you can only imagine the distress one experiences when people gape and gawk.

There are many disabled people who are fiercely independent. These are people who are blind, deaf, cerebral palsied, paraplegic, and so forth, and have worked hard to ensure that their disabilities do not hinder them. These are people who make sure that they are mobile, can work and are making a huge contribution to the economy of this country. Why then, do we feel the need to visually examine these people – who are often not very different to ourselves?

We need to consider the fact that we are each confronted with our own inabilities and inadequacies – some are just more noticeable then others. Whereas we might be fortunate enough to be able-bodied, we are each burdened by various incapacities. Nobody is perfect. This is certainly something to keep in mind when we find ourselves staring at those we might consider to be imperfect or strange. Perhaps we ought to redirect our focus of attention and curiosity to ourselves and our own incompetence and lack of ability.

We have so many beautiful people in this country - people of all races, religions and creeds, people of all languages. We also have people with disabilities. As we have been taught to treat people from different cultures with respect, so should we learn to treat people with disabilities with the utmost reverence and kindness. This is a life lesson that goes beyond mere politeness, and is something that we ought fervently to instill in our children.

My advice is that the next time we do a double take and feel the need to look at someone for an extended amount of time for whatever reason, we substitute our detached stares with warm and gracious smiles.